... you do what you have to do.

I used to sing that song at 106 West. "But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go." ~Sarah MacLachlan I'm beginning to realize how true it is these days.

Its been years now. I'm no longer dealing with weeks or months anymore. I've been feeling this way for years. They say time heals all wounds, but for some reason, I can't shake this. I can't shake you. Don't ask me why, if I knew, I could make myself stop being this way.

I did something yesterday. I've been so sad because I've lost any way to contact certain persons. I found it last night. I took the number, and I put it in my cell phone. I can tell you now, that I'll never use it. I'm too ashamed to ever actually call, but just having it... gives me mixed feelings. I feel comforted to have it, yet ashamed that I need it still. After all this time, I shouldn't need to have it in my life, but I do. I am so ashamed.

"And though I can't be with you, I do what I have to do."